I have been so restless recently. I found so many instance where parents easily say that their children are too much to handle. Some even give up and consider the children gone.. So the phrase "mother's love is eternity" is actually not always true, very sad..
The interesting thing is when I dig deeper into the parents personal life, it turn out they also led a "wild" childhood or teenager life. Some even did worst things than what their children did in present time. It got me thinking.. what happened with this?
I my self grew up in a very ordinary kind of way. I never went to any of those "fun" places that teenagers would go. When I have my own children, I worried about how I could explain to them those life since I don't believe in labeling a life as good or bad. I believe in giving them facts and let them use their own logic to decide. In that sense I always envy those parents who had gone through such life. I thought how lucky they are. They can understand that desire more.. But when I talk to those parents, almost all of them complain how difficult it is to talk to their children about the things that they actually did in the past.
You know why? Because you don't see them as a fully equipped human being. You think children are less so you need to always fill them up. And the truth is, this approach is going to make your life a living hell. You will feel the pressure of perfection. Because you ask them to be perfect.
But when you can just back down and remember how it feels like when you are young and always being misunderstood? Then you can see clearly how to speak with them.
Empathize.. that is the key.. See the world through their perspective.. The different is now you have known better, you have learn better.. That is the perspective they need. Try to talk to them like you want people to talked to you back then. Will a party goers listen to a preach about religions? Will they listen to the warning about assignment or test? Hah, no one say yes.. because they don't!!
Try to use their logic, it is not about preventing a teenager to have fun, but habituate them to take fully responsibility of their own life. Do not use accusation tone, use emphatic tone.. Gosh Baby, I understand your need, I have been there. But what about the exam? What should we do about it? What I can do to help you as a mother? Gain their trust, win their heart.
You are all good parents because you love your children. As you learn to believe in your self as a grown up, you know that that feeling really connected to how the people you love perceive you.. So always believe in your children, they are God most beautiful creation and HE has equipped them with logic and inner heart to guide their way in life.
I love you, Raka and Deli.. Its a pleasure to welcome you into our life, Isatu, Asanatu and Junior..
I hope I can be the mother you will proud of.. simply because I love you..