Selasa, 20 September 2011

Can you be faithful?

Someone raised this simple yet very difficult question to me yesterday. I was so shocked by this. Can I be faithful? Then my wild and always wonder mind went on to search what is exactly the meaning of faithfulness and how we can be faithful.

I found that faithful is a choice we make in this life. Being faithful not only related to individual but also to our cause in life. As long as you are devoted and stand firmly to that one and only one, it means you are being faithful. I can say I am faithful to my self, my children and my cause. But can I be faithful to "you"?

Being faithful to yourself, children and cause is actually an easy thing to do. You just have to trust and rely on your self, no external factors. As a mother, I know so well my role for my children. I am meant to be their protector and their up bringer.. So I am not suppose to ask for anything from them. That means there are no external factors. With them I just give and give cause I know that is my duty for my God. Being faithful to my self, it is difficult if you don't see your self as a worth it human being. When you don't believe that you are somewhat enough and precious. I have pass that, I know I am worth it, I have been able to screen out all negative thinking that I have been fighting for in my 36 years of life. Now I can walk proudly being LOVELY, being a mother and now a single woman. I know I can reach many things as long as I put my mind into it. So again, being faithful to my self doesn't involve any external factors. I have already learn to chose to control the things I can control, which is my self and boy, was that hard to do..

Now come the question of being faithful to "you".

It takes a lot of courages.. Being faithful to someone means you put your heart into his/her hands. He/she holds part of your happiness. And you can never in control of that happiness. And trust can only be earn not given. This actually very scary to me. Betrayel comes in many forms. It doesn't have to be cheating with other woman. Betrayel means breaching of trust.

Trust also can cover many things. When you are in a relationship, you are not only trusted your love to that person but also your dreams and obsessions. You wish that both of you can help each other to reach that dreams. But dreams change, people change. And that change is unstoppable and also unavoidable. Would it be a betrayel when your partner's dream changes and might not be in line again with yours? Should then you change the dreams and make it in line to save the relationship? What about if yours are the one that change? Would you call your self a traitor? How can then you manage those dreams? Since it is every body's right to have a dream of their own? How can you be faithful to someone when you don't have the same dream any more? Will communication be the answer? And if we do communicate and the result is still we have a change of dream, then what?

There is also a matter of the heart. Being faithful means stay to one person and give your self only to that person. Its also involve a lot of risks.. So many times I found how people have belittle the meaning of relationship. How they talk about their immense love towards his/her partners while casually dating others. So what do you call faithful? How can I be sure about "you"? How can I take that risk and give "you" my heart? How can I let you have big power over my heart?

Now there is a saying that happiness is in our own hands. How can I maintain my happiness when I give my heart to other person? When his/her well being is part of mine? When his/her happiness is part of mine? That would be to big of a risk. They also say that I should give my lotalty to the right person. That also raise more questions, how can I know he/she is the right person? By giving him/her a chance? By letting my heart be at risk?

So how can I be faithful? How can I stay true to "you"?

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